Monthly Archives: May 2010

Of Ahmadis, 298-B and Pakistani Hypocrisy

When my parents brought me and my younger sisters back to Pakistan, we were assured that our return to motherland was to teach us about the “peaceful culture” of the Land of Pure. Never has a statement been more false. And it is even more appalling after what happened on Friday, May 28, 2010 in Lahore.

Wasting time on definitions and political history regarding Ahmadis is something I will not do since I am pretty sure that most of you reading this post know, at least, the typical description of a “Mirzai”. According to the majority of this country and the constitution of Pakistan, an Ahmadi is a Kaafir that denies the finality of the Prophet Muhammad and is, consequently, barred from basic religious and social rights and privileges. Their places of worship are termed “Ibadatgah” according to the definition stated in the constitution. Referring their worshiping points as “Masjid” or “Mosque” is an offence. More details can be found in thousands and thousands of links shared by orthodox Muslims throughout the world. Which is why I simply refuse to waste my energy over the bigotry that the Pakistani constitution is replete with. Read 298-B for proof. And please don’t forget to read this link: Ahmadis have been victims of global violence.

What bothers me is a set of social factors, religious hate and political hypocrisy that proved to be powerful catalysts for what happened today. At least 76 innocents were killed during Jummah prayers in Model Town and Garhi Shahu in Lahore. Let me remind bigots of Pakistan: I don’t pay a damn if they were Muslim, Jew, Christian or simply atheists because, for me, humans are humans regardless of their beliefs (or lack thereof). No one possesses the brutal authority over another human’s life. It is downright disgusting to see many, many Sunni and Shia Pakistanis commenting in favor of this savage act. Also, it is a major contradiction on their sorry part because, if they studied Islam well enough, they would learn that advocating mass murder is something their precious religion is against.

Even more repulsive is the flood of condemnations from politicians, the terms being used by the media for Ahmadis (because, believe me, it is painfully torn between portraying Pakistan as an “enlightened” country and constitutional restrictions) and, most significantly, the blame-game. Tehreek e Taliban Punjab claimed responsibility for the attacks. I seriously doubt the ‘purity’ of Hakeemullah Mehsud’s Islam since if he was such a true Momin, he would be have been more preoccupied with praying Jummah instead of leading a massacre in another mosque. But what hurt me the most were the comments given by many Pakistanis today. In this link shared by a friend of mine, you will find religious wrath and bigotry at its worst.

Compassion for mankind irrespective of creed may force you to wince when you read this: The majority of Pakistan is responsible for the attacks that occurred in Model Town and Garhi Shahu. Had we been a little philanthropic and accommodating  in our conduct, yesterday would not have been so intensely gory. Our approach towards fellow citizens is sadly based on misinterpreted religious preachings, racist social perceptions and mindless phobias. Sometimes when I’m sitting in front of the television, the only thing that keeps going through my head is how desensitized we are as a nation. We simply don’t see each others as human beings anymore.

Tehreek-e-Facebook!

Note: Pakistan Telecommunication Authority has ordered Worldcall Telecom to ban this post due to ‘controversial content’. Here is proof: 
http://i50.tinypic.com/5bnwp5.png
.

Oh my, Facebook has been banned in Pakistan. Well, at least it isn’t opening here in Lahore. Not on my server, no sir. Therefore, without wasting time, I must introduce you to the very infamous Tehreek-e-Facebook! No more Facebook for you and you and you! If you think you want to upload your fancy little sheesha party pictures tonight, you’re WRONG! I, Maulana Mehreen Kasana, have issued a fatwa against all you blasphemous social network whores. That’s right, you heard me! No Facebook for you for the next few days. If some of my readers are confused, here’s a link to explain the current issue. Right now, many Pakistani Facebook-users look like this:

Indeed.

You’re Right, It’s Wrong:

Freedom of speech gives everyone the right to express their views about anything and everything BUT within limits defined by respect and consideration for the nature of the subject being discussed. What Molly Norris initiated was right in her own view but offensive to Muslims worldwide. However she clearly states that she meant no offence and absolutely wanted no campaign or event related to this. Mimi Sulpovar made an insensitive blunder by creating the Facebook page though. As wrong as it may sound, would she be okay with me commencing a campaign under the title of Draw Holocaust Day? I don’t think so.


Read Statistics and Do the Math
:

It’s just ridiculous, to be honest. Banning an entire social network is not going to stop 40,000 caricature-supporters. I’ve been given an argument as well: It’s going to bring down their economy! My very simple refutation consists of primarily one word: No. According to Facebook, the social network will only suffer a loss of $0.15m if Pakistan chooses to continue its ban till May 31, 2010. Not a big deal for Mark Zuckerberg’s creation which has been in controversial crises with China, Vietnam and Iran. Facebook is based on a pay-per-click model and it earns $.03 on each click. Pakistan has nearly $2m Facebook users. If we use our brains (something most of us don’t) the product of your rebel theory states that Facebook only suffers a few meager bucks. Therefore, the ban is useless. It could have been productive if we were still on Facebook and chose to negate their campaign by simple and peaceful dialogue. Stop messaging each other “OMG WE RUINED FACEBOOK!” because no, $0.15m means nothing to the ones living in Calo Palto, California.

Contradiction By LHC and PTA:

What gives the LHC the right to ban a whole networking site based on what some individuals have uploaded? By the logic, shouldn’t they block YouTube as well? How about Google, since it gives you results for all kinds of things? If I choose to waste my time on the internet, that’s not anyone’s concern but mine and no one, not even the LHC should be allowed to take it away. This is by far the most wrong decision taken by any entity in this whole saga. If PTA is so very dedicated to the real preachings of Islam then why on Earth do I see Alexis Texas bouncing in bed with some buffed up porn star? Paradox, anyone?

What To Do:

One of the best opinions on this web-crisis is by Adnan Ali:
http://blog.fursid.com/blogged/why-i-will-not-boycott-facebook-on-may-20-2010-how-muslims-should-respond/

I wish PTB realized that there are far more effective ways of protesting and retaliating. Violence and banning Facebook are not options. Peaceful negotiations can help. Better yet – ignore them. We need to start using that thing up in our heads. If the supporters still don’t believe me, answer this question: How exactly does banning Facebook affect Draw Muhammad Day?

Let me know your answers (without calling me kaafir, thank you).

P.S. Don’t you think it’s a little too ironic that popular porn sites like XNXX and YouPorn continue to open without any delay on all servers in Pakistan? After all, PTB is very sensitive about Islam and its preachings.

P.S.S. Massive trolling by PTA supporters. Fun thread below.

P.S.S.S. Like any average Muslim, I’m glad to know that Molly Norris is apologetic for igniting the obscene campaign. Read more about it here:
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/comic-riffs/2010/05/pakistan_orders_blanket_ban_on.html
. You can even find more on the inconsiderate fool’s apology and request to cease the campaign here and here. I have a feeling it’ll stop soon. Going to keep my Muslim fingers crossed. Woohoo.

I’m not dead, ffs

My humor is, like, really ace.

For those who have been speculating that I have expired, I would like to hop out of my dorm-grave and prove them wrong. I am not dead and no, I have not tied the knot (yet). In fact I have other important things to do. For instance: Passing my final exams, winning the parliamentary debate championship, coming up with new ideas for my editor and composing several reviews on some very impressive reads. For near and dear ones: It’s great news that I aced the debating competition and won the Best Speaker Parliamentary Debate Championship trophy. My yapping skills paid off. And the trophy is like, propa big-ass.

Also, the heat in Lahore is terrible. And I made the horrendous mistake of drinking gallons and gallons of cold chocolate milk, thinking this is going to “cool me down” but nooo, it got worse. Nosebleeds followed with massive headaches and cranky mood swings. So the next time your girlfriend tries cajoling you into making chocolate milk for her, you better tell the bitch to calm down and make YOU a sandwich. (Passionate advocate of female-lead anti-feminism acts, I am.)

I haven’t been updating the blog for quite a while maybe because I’m out of ideas to write about. There are many things I would like to jot down and rant about but, then, most of my readers have done their fair share of research on them. For instance, writing about the post-traumatic stress journalists suffer while reporting in war-torn countries. Or about the shooting of a young teenage homosexual at school. As a student of mass communication and journalism, I have often found myself explaining the intimidating challenges most journalists suffer. It isn’t an easy job. Even small-scale event coverage by internees like yours truly can be tough. Punctuality, precision and a strong flow of creativity is constantly required. If you’re out of ideas, you’re out of the game.

I will be reviewing a few books that I have had the chance of reading these days. Expect to go through a review on Bapsi Sidhwa’s “The Crow Eaters”, scandals noted by Capitol Hill and some very, very disturbing chapters on existing cults. (Psychos, I tell you. Propa psychos).

Love Thy Statue (And Other Stuff)

Since the Vigilance theme on WordPress won’t let me show my glorious moment with this statue at Alhamra, I’ve decided to upload the entire image for everyone to have a look at:

The Statue Of Lawls.

For stalkers (very few of them, I know): You can find me at Readings in Lahore. I’m the haggardly-looking amazon with hideous hair and a frown on my excessively-tanned forehead. I can easily be cornered in the Journalism section or, if I’m trying to avoid imaginary paparazzi, you may find me huddled in the corner on a little wooden stool cramming political ologies and isms. Also, I enjoy taking pictures of annoying children and chaddar-cladded mothers finding child-appropriate story books for their little ones.

"Mumma mumma, mujh ko bhi Lawls wali book do na?" "Haza Haraam Fil Islam."

Anyway. Here’s someone handsome I met at Hot Fuzon, a popular coffee shop in Lahore.

"Gotta get myself some Lawl juice."

For the lack of creative content, I’m signing out now. Bye.