Category Archives: Diatribes Unleashed

Iqbal, tere sheher mai.

My optimism regarding my homeland breathed its last on August 15, 2010.

This brutal killing in Iqbal’s city can only be described in Iqbal’s words:

Marnay walay martay hain lekin fanah hotay nahi;

Yeh haqeeqat mai kabhi hum say judah hotay nahi.

-

Marnay walon ki jabeen roshan hai is zulmaat mai;

Jis tarha taaray chamaktay hain andheri raat mai.

Tehreek-e-Facebook!

Note: Pakistan Telecommunication Authority has ordered Worldcall Telecom to ban this post due to ‘controversial content’. Here is proof: http://i50.tinypic.com/5bnwp5.png.

Oh my, Facebook has been banned in Pakistan. Well, at least it isn’t opening here in Lahore. Not on my server, no sir. Therefore, without wasting time, I must introduce you to the very infamous Tehreek-e-Facebook! No more Facebook for you and you and you! If you think you want to upload your fancy little sheesha party pictures tonight, you’re WRONG! I, Maulana Mehreen Kasana, have issued a fatwa against all you blasphemous social network whores. That’s right, you heard me! No Facebook for you for the next few days. If some of my readers are confused, here’s a link to explain the current issue. Right now, many Pakistani Facebook-users look like this:

Indeed.

You’re Right, It’s Wrong:

Freedom of speech gives everyone the right to express their views about anything and everything BUT within limits defined by respect and consideration for the nature of the subject being discussed. What Molly Norris initiated was right in her own view but offensive to Muslims worldwide. However she clearly states that she meant no offence and absolutely wanted no campaign or event related to this. Mimi Sulpovar made an insensitive blunder by creating the Facebook page though. As wrong as it may sound, would she be okay with me commencing a campaign under the title of Draw Holocaust Day? I don’t think so.


Read Statistics and Do the Math
:

It’s just ridiculous, to be honest. Banning an entire social network is not going to stop 40,000 caricature-supporters. I’ve been given an argument as well: It’s going to bring down their economy! My very simple refutation consists of primarily one word: No. According to Facebook, the social network will only suffer a loss of $0.15m if Pakistan chooses to continue its ban till May 31, 2010. Not a big deal for Mark Zuckerberg’s creation which has been in controversial crises with China, Vietnam and Iran. Facebook is based on a pay-per-click model and it earns $.03 on each click. Pakistan has nearly $2m Facebook users. If we use our brains (something most of us don’t) the product of your rebel theory states that Facebook only suffers a few meager bucks. Therefore, the ban is useless. It could have been productive if we were still on Facebook and chose to negate their campaign by simple and peaceful dialogue. Stop messaging each other “OMG WE RUINED FACEBOOK!” because no, $0.15m means nothing to the ones living in Calo Palto, California.

Contradiction By LHC and PTA:

What gives the LHC the right to ban a whole networking site based on what some individuals have uploaded? By the logic, shouldn’t they block YouTube as well? How about Google, since it gives you results for all kinds of things? If I choose to waste my time on the internet, that’s not anyone’s concern but mine and no one, not even the LHC should be allowed to take it away. This is by far the most wrong decision taken by any entity in this whole saga. If PTA is so very dedicated to the real preachings of Islam then why on Earth do I see Alexis Texas bouncing in bed with some buffed up porn star? Paradox, anyone?

What To Do:

One of the best opinions on this web-crisis is by Adnan Ali: http://blog.fursid.com/blogged/why-i-will-not-boycott-facebook-on-may-20-2010-how-muslims-should-respond/

I wish PTB realized that there are far more effective ways of protesting and retaliating. Violence and banning Facebook are not options. Peaceful negotiations can help. Better yet – ignore them. We need to start using that thing up in our heads. If the supporters still don’t believe me, answer this question: How exactly does banning Facebook affect Draw Muhammad Day?

Let me know your answers (without calling me kaafir, thank you).

P.S. Don’t you think it’s a little too ironic that popular porn sites like XNXX and YouPorn continue to open without any delay on all servers in Pakistan? After all, PTB is very sensitive about Islam and its preachings.

P.S.S. Massive trolling by PTA supporters. Fun thread below.

P.S.S.S. Like any average Muslim, I’m glad to know that Molly Norris is apologetic for igniting the obscene campaign. Read more about it here: http://voices.washingtonpost.com/comic-riffs/2010/05/pakistan_orders_blanket_ban_on.html. You can even find more on the inconsiderate fool’s apology and request to cease the campaign here and here. I have a feeling it’ll stop soon. Going to keep my Muslim fingers crossed. Woohoo.

The Critic Hath Taken Over

Note: Kasana’s blog was attacked by The Critic. For those who do not know him, please click this.

His origins are surrounded in mystery, however it is believed he was born in a forgettable upper-middle class suburb, but distinguished himself by remembering all 400,000 words in the dictionary.

Soon WordPress, devoid of even an ounce of intellect, a state of nature in which wild folk with vapid appellations were abundant, spouting barely intelligible posts reeking of pseudointellectualism, a foul and barbarous tongue. The great warrior-sage ‘The Critic’, with his laconic put-downs brought these gibbering fools to heel.

Now from Valhalla itself he struts his great power. For he is a hard and tyrannical god. The merest slight, the vaguest hint of error are not excused without counterblasts of divine retribution. The poor, scuttling fools that dare to asperse his dreaded name are scattered by the strength of his (typing) arm.

Facing wave upon wave of rare word, they are sent into a dire confusion, from which they mewl out and cry out to The Critic: ‘Thou art holy, save us oh Critic!’. But he, in his direful indignation cares not for these pitiful mortals. He destroys them, his incomparable intellect reduces their words to mere dust and him demonstrates beyond peradventure that he is, indeed, always right.

Devout confessions of his lexical and intellectual brilliance are elicited frequently. With image defying charms he is able to present the illusion of philosophical acuity, and thus he is, at his mighty throne, surrounded by a great many acolytes, votaries committed to his glorification till death.

:O

Ah, and thus he must fight the bloggers of ‘WordPress’. The fight will be hard and it will be painful. And he probably will not win. But yet he shall prove himself the greatest wielder of needlessly precious English that has ever lived.

No delusions will be curtailed – for he sees all, no stain touches his immaculate skin, and no foul taste of narcissism enters his argute mind. He is to be exalted for all time. Here endeth the Gospel of The Critic.

George Galloway: A man with guts.

This four year old video continues to blow people away.

Israel’s unjustified occupation of Lebanon is an act America/Israel/UK won’t ever be able to admit or own up to. I cannot believe they lowered his volume down when she started whining about the definition of terrorist. Hezbollah has every right in the world to fight back, to resist Israel. It’s about time the world realized that resistance is justified when another country tries to occupy another’s soil. And he’s right: the UN Resolution solves nothing. The bloodshed commenced in 1967 by Israel must be fought against. The hostess doesn’t remember the name of any Palestinian murdered but she’s concerned about the Israelis getting killed. Israel ought to remember: Tit for tat.  There’s no such thing as negotiation if you’re being supplied with missiles from the US. That’s just plain hypocrisy. (: