Hostel (Tummy) Woes

Let’s forget Pakistani culture this time. Let’s get personal, let’s discuss what happened last night.

As a hostel student, I realize the daily (and nightly) issues my lot faces. I will discuss something extremely interesting about the image most (female) hostel students have here in Pakistan but later. With illustrations, of course. But tonight’s post is dedicated to my appetite and the torture it faces during my stay in the dorm. Here in the hostel, especially Pakistani ones, there are timings that you have to allow or someone will rip your kidney out in your sleep. Girls, in particular, are required to follow these rules and if they don’t, there are consequences. For rule-breakers and smashers like me, these rules don’t mean a lot but we face tough situations sometimes. I also advise every one of you who lives in the comfort of their homes to thank God for such a blessing. You have a fridge at your service all the time. There are no curfews, I’m sure. And, I bet my life on this, you don’t have to face a warden who, in all certainty, is Hitler’s female reincarnation. With a Pakistani accent.

“Vat’s goen on, laydiss? Vat’s goen? Huh? Why so much noez? Huh? I report you? Ya?”

Anyway. When I was little, like I guess 10, I had a monobrow and I was really dark skinned and my appetite was like, really weird. I threw fits in the middle of the lounge while my sister ran around with shades on. It was a dysfunctional household, I guess. I’m not very apt at explaining scenarios but I’d like to think I’ve mastered Microsoft Paint for help. Here’s what it was like back then:

So my mother would always make something for me. Really sweet of her, yeah. Until she sent me off to Lahore for what she conveniently calls “education”. Very smooth, mom.

Today I am a warrior. I smear black surma on my cheeks at night and go out to hunt for food. But last night was drenched with absymal cries and screams. There was nothing to eat and my soul – never mind. Look, I was hungry, okay? I was hungry and it was 12 AM and the warden said no one can order food at this time because it could rob me of my virginity. So I went back to my room and found the key to heaven. Nestle chocolate powder.

Intense drama.

That’s right. Just powder. Nothing else. No cookies, no kebabs, no rice, no salad, no nothing. Just powder. And we know how hardcore Kasana is. She took 15 spoonfuls of chocolate powder. What happened after that is something I will never tell you about. Ever. But here’s an illustration of what occured that stormy night.


I don’t care if my doodles suck. I just think I deserve a good meal or two.

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122 thoughts on “Hostel (Tummy) Woes

  1. TAke it from one who has spent 5 years in a hostel,this is a lifesaver.
    Hostel Hunger Survival Kit.

    1.Electric kettle
    2.Instant Noodles.
    3.A tub of Nutella.
    4.Wafers.

    Awesomeness on the doodle front!

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH SWEET JESUS KASANA! Child, you are on your way to fame with this witty crazy writing style of yours! God (and Nestle) speed!

  3. Ahhaahhahahaha =)) Toubaaaaaaaaaaaa.. I can totally empathize with u on this =P and the doodles. . . ADORABLE . . !!!! (: you could easily publish cute-maddening hostel stories in a comic strip/book too =P lurvvvvvv it !

  4. “Friendless. I listen to depressing doom metal.”

    THAT CRACKED ME UP HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!O1N1N11!

    Why are you so amazing? :/

  5. This post reminds me of how I once did an April Fools day prank on afew starved mates of mine.

    I got a pack of ‘Rite’ biscuits(Desi Oreos heh) and I cleaned all but two of them of the cream lawlzyesIlickeditoffahum \o/. Next, I filled them all up with my favourite toothpaste and then I put them back into the pack with the top 2 being the clean ones that I could easily scratch off when the moment arrived. It turned out to be pretty epic haha, one of my friends even asked me if they were ‘baasi’ (urdu for STALE) after munching on a few hahaha. They found out, thanks to the aquafresh heh, but it was too late. :D

      1. 15 spoonfuls is practically a choc bar :p.

        I’m totally against Spartan lock-downs in Lahore though -_-. It’s pure evil with such great food there!

  6. lmao @ warrior figure!!! This made for a great morning read and i’m grinning like mad!!! You rock!

    *hugs*

    hostel days will soon be over, love. Just don’t inflict the same torture on your own daughters :p

  7. Well there is a whole survival kit for hostel ppl like you and me.
    1.hot plate
    2.electric kettle
    3.noodles
    4.coke
    5.Lays
    6.a pack of cigg.(ofcourse you may not smoke)

    :)

  8. yup, hostel life is hard or so I have heard.
    I haven’t had any till now but I wish I would someday.

    I won’t allow your post to let my spirits down.
    =p

  9. Hahahaha, love the article. Thank god we didn’t have all those restrictions (other than smoking in the room, which was easily resolved by standing away from the smoke detector and having the window open).

    But I can totally relate with the food blues, especially when your floor’s fridge gets raided lol. Instant noodles, instant pasta, frozen foods, cereal, these are the lifeblood of dorm dwellers.

  10. HEy! who’s the fair skinned sister over here…???=P Mom LOVED it..we all were laughing real hard while reading it..:D keep it up CHUTTKI…=p

  11. Never ever stay in a place where there is no fridge without a snack. Weapon of choice? Not powder, no, but cookies. When I create my own religion, we’ll eat cookies to celebrate my birth, everyday.

    Glad to see you’re still you.

  12. What the hell is ur virginity. Everywhere you discuss about it. Moreover, males of Pakistani society are not as much stupid as you think there are still people the savior of honor.

    You always discuss about virginity, it is not solely confined to you nor to female. Male can also be virgin. Furthermore, you a pessimist woman always thinks of dark aspect.

    Our society is not as such bad as you think. Why not you arrange ur own stuff when you can’t abide by the rules or you don’t want to follow them. As you claim to be a rule breaker then shut ur mouth and be quite and cool and face the consequences.

    Your posts are useless and illogical and you are just wasting your time. You can spend this precious time on useful stuff, you can write on hot contemporary issues. Don’t go for the comments and visitors, you are simply a girl and people follow them.

    Anyhow, I totally disagree with your stupid ideas and vies.

    1. Dear Mir Jumla,

      Your comment lightened my mood up. But it made me laugh a little too hard. My sides hurt right now. I do not “discuss” my virginity as much as I’d like to. I will, now that you’ve said so.

      I never said our men are stupid. I think Pakistani men are handsome, lively and… interesting. With exceptions, of course. Please try learning to read carefully. Skimming through isn’t helpful. Men can be virgins too. Good for them!

      I break rules – what? I be ‘quite and cool’ and face the – sorry, what? I – wait, I seriously don’t get that.

      Oh, here’s something precious. “You are simply a girl and people follow them”. That was pure gold. No, seriously, that was so beautiful. I’m going to take a screen shot of this and dedicate a post to you as soon as I’m done laughing.

      You forgot something. I wrote this for your kind:

      https://mehreenkasana.wordpress.com/the-rules/

      Love,
      Kasana

  13. These rules clearly portrays your stupidity. . . !!! I’m indebted that you have given weightage to my suggestions. I’m a male guy, better skill, with good ideas, but no one visits my blogs. You are a girl and shitty people follow you bcz after all you are a girl.

    I just advised you not to waste your time on absurd activities and try to follow that lines which will help you in your real life. Flattering comments doesn’t have any logic bcz people don’t want to displease you. You must have the guts to tolerate ur critics and don’t rely solely on those who always say ” all is well ” and all is right.

  14. Reply to ur query : – P.S. I still don’t know what you disagree with in this post. I’m a girl and really dumb.

    I disagree with your carelessness. When there is rule to attend the mess then why you don’t follow the rules ? Why you make arrangement when mess is closed ? You must have some stuff like snacks, biscuits etc in ur room. You post is totally illogical what you want to say through this post ?

    1. Mr. Jumla I happen to be a well not-self-righteous male born and raised in Pakistan. Well, the first thing if you think that I perhaps visit Mehreen’s blog because she is a girl, then there are better places to look, the sort of places that earned us a nice place in Google top searches! I and many of my like-minded visit her blog because I really want to know what are the grievances of the feminine soul, and believe me history is so much full of atrocities against women, you can fill libraries and libraries but you will always run out of space! I personally sympathize with her and her ideas and again not because she is a female but because its one of those lone voices of truth you don’t hear very often.

      Second, i see you have the same stupid, dumb ass, androcentric view of the world i.e., “I’m a male guy, better skill, with good ideas, but no one visits my blogs. You are a girl and shitty people follow you bcz after all you are a girl”.

      Let me elaborate and expand this brief proclamation of yours more properly, you didn’t so I will fill in the blanks,”I am a guy and I am good looking and more intelligent than any female (of course) and all the girls in the town swoon over me!

      Now, Mehreen this part is for you, personally I respect you, people here may say that you are pessimist, I say its the other way around. Why, because until there weren’t voices like yours in this unfortunate patriarchal country, I was pessimistic that women here don’t care about their rights at all. Now with you and some other that I do read, we know there is light!

  15. Hilarious! Awesomely hilarious :D

    OMG you made me forget the depressing post I was going to write for my blog :p

    very well written and drawn! =)

      1. Website: I-am-also-male-guy.com

        I practically heard you pronounce ‘comments’ as: Co- ments.

        So i dig u dude! *swoo00ns*

        Kasana u no girl good with vords, u take classes from mir next time! :D And you ONLY girl! u guuurrrlll girl..

  16. Ok I was about to ask something about the doodles, but this Mir Jumla guy is just too awesome to ignore.
    “You’re a girl and people follow them” – sounds like an Axe deo ad or something.

    But seriously, Mehreen, you need to pay attention to your critics and,and…. I’m sorry, I couldn’t get through that without laughing. :D

    Man we shitty people have to stop following you…. :P

    Oh, and about the last three doodles, why is there grass in the hostel room?

  17. wts wid dis jumla guy … cant you just appreciate witty style of writing and light sarcasm as it is !
    Mir saab don’t scream out loud that you are a loser :@

  18. Awesome Mir Jumla !!!!

    I totally agree with your views, you sounds a logical person. Mehreen is totally an immature crass American girl trying to make a place in media industry with shitty comments, vulgar arguments, and obscene language.

    Mehreen you first to learn some etiquette of writing, then you have to write a blog, see your stupid and nonsensical comments, your language style, all need to be improved.

    Mir Jumla is right, you are just a girl and people follow you because they are not interested in you posts rather they are interested in you.

    1. I so love being a girl who is read by quite a few thousand people ONLY because they’re stupid enough to be after me more than my posts.

      I seriously – OMG? Are you like, so smart? ‘Cause like, you just discovered something so totally rad?

      -hair flick-

      1. I’ve brain and I know it is working properly. I suggest you to put glasses bcz you people are blind and lack vision and be mature enough. Mehreen is totally immature gal but why you people don’t guide her ?

      2. You’re one to talk. Why don’t you learn to write a proper sentence before you comment on other peoples writing technique?

  19. Mahreen,
    I love your writing! The drawings are awesome too! You are hilarious, insightful, and bold. It inspires me.

    As I read this I thought of a clip from the show ‘The Price of Beauty.’ It’s the one episode I watched and now I know why. To share with you, but you can’t tell anyone I watched it :)

    Here is the link. Start at 8:20 minutes into the video. I am sure you will find it interesting.
    lovelikewater.wordpress.com

    1. She just wasting her time here with useless stuff, don’t flatter or misguide her with your flattering comments. See her language style, I think she will not survive with that stupid style in media industry. She is writing for her own blog where she is at large to write what nonsense she thinks but these views are not accepted by society with absurd writing style. Improve urself and compete the challenges, be police, neat, clean, humble, respectful and so on . . .

      Why you people don’t accept the reality, When will you write the facts?

  20. Mir Jumla and Shahoo, you have the courage to call a spade a spade otherwise this world is full of flattering people; who misguide the people and waste their time. Your people are true gems of this world and torch bearers of truth.

    Mehreen they are right, people follow you bcz you are a girl. They just waste your time it will be better you focus on positive and productive things. Join any media team as trainee.

    Always tolerate positive criticism wholeheartedly. Mir Jumla and Shahoo are extreme in their views slightly. You are going well, well done try every topic, it will expand your mind and views.

  21. I was going to let them hate on you for fun because I thought they’re just have a light go at this but now Jumla DumbFuck and his cronies with their terrible grammar and sentence structure are simply ticking me the fuck off. These guys are why women throughout the whole global village spit on Paksitani men. Their stupidity and chauvinism speak volumes about their shitty upbringing but please, for the love of whoever turns the world round and round, do not represent us like this. It puts the better kind to shame.

    About her blog: She’s probably one of the very few Pakistani bloggers who are brave enough to say something about their society with a tone of humor to lighten things up. If you can’t take a fucking joke, get the fuck off the blog. No one asked you to be here. NO ONE, trust me.

    And about your blog(s): Dudes, if you are soooo suicidal about no one looking at your jackshit of a goddamn e-journal then try cranking up your level of intellect. Trolling is so fucking 90’s.

    And for you, Mehreen: Woman, why are you even approving these comments? They go in the toilet. Fucks sake.

  22. what is these guys problem? kasana’s blog is one of the most popular ones in this country because she’s funny and she’s outspoken and people love that.. of course she has her flaws but then who doesn’t? i’m not even reading these comments anymore because they’re so paindu and full of misogyny, it’s not even funny. go to hell, shahoo mir and kafur whatever your ugly names are..

  23. woman. these (penis-less) men who are constantly telling you about your terrrrrrible and horrrrrrible blog need to stop crying their vags out. i’m getting bored, senorita. the post’s about chocolate powder and how a girl made it through a foodless night. can anyone figure that fucking out?

  24. Sometimes people can be so stupid. Sometimes their names are Mir Jumla, Shahoo (who sounds abnormal) and some other dickwads. Sometimes.

    I still love your blog.

    Cheers.

    1. Oh and you had to show your hatred towards all those guys to prove your love for Mehreen and her blog…..classic!

  25. yaar i don’t get why sometimes our pakistani men can be so low? i’m not talking about allll of them but the ones in this post are so dirty and stupid! your blog is awesome! <3

  26. Go to hell Mir Jumla, Shahoo, Bahoo, Mahoo, Tahoo, Kafur, Sindoor with your stupid thinking. Mehren you have superb command over variety of topic. Excellent writing style, move ahead we like your ideas. You are among one of the best blogers who produces though provoking articles.

  27. What is wrong in my views? I wrote what I observed. Mehreen if you like flattering encouraging comments then you must have the nerves to face positive criticism and defend yourself with arguments.

    @ Chamchay !!

    Don’t behave like “Khan ke nokar dair Khan”. Who said to Mehreen to stop writing? I really like her work but I’ve to give feedback so it is my style. When you like encouragement then you should also face criticism and it is the true essence of becoming something from nothing.

    @Mehreen,

    I never wanted to say to stop writing rather I want to say that you should write like the reputed journalists writes in daily newspapers and journals. This will polish your skill and give you the impetus to prepare yourself for the coming adventures.

  28. I love my name and I am not conservative at all neither I said to Mehreen to stop writing nor I’ve such congested mind to dictate people or force my views on them. I wrote something here which was not vulgar and the owner of this blog has the right to approve or remove my comments.

    But, criticism is better for building a balance personality. Now you people came here to rescue Mehreen but who will come forward when she is in practical field? She is writing good, but it must be improved and no one is perfect. But you people came all of a sudden and dont give me the opprotunity to express my views well.

    Decide by yourself who is extreme in your views you are me? You people believe in extreme flattering and useless comments. Did you people say to Mehreen that these are you mistakes and these are flaws in your post ? You say ALL IS WELL always while no one is perfect.

    It is not the movie 3 idiots rather it is real life and here is no room for idealism. Good, keep it up, excellent, well these comments are not ur affectation for Mehreeen rather you are misguiding her. You should beside encouragement give her some fruitful feedback.

  29. Apology Note for Miss. Mehreen Ali,

    I went on meditation, thought for while that people may take my words to heart. Words can wound a person deeper than sword. I don’t believe in hatred, rather I’m positive critic and I do admit that I use harsh words in order to convey my feelings.

    I’m really sorry If my words have wounded you, I seek apology from you and other members who think that I am mad and went wild. Enjoy your posts, your blog. Undoubtedly you are an excellent writer.

    When I noticed that all the people are praising you, so I thought to let us go for criticism, bcz no one was not criticizing. I confess that in criticism I’ve used some bad words and even went off the fact and twisted the truth.

    Keep your work up, either ignore critics if they are pessimists otherwise give some consideration to their points and try to improve them. Honestly, there is nothing wrong in your work except usage of few slangy words. You have made your name in this word and you are a regular writers which is not a child’s play.

    Hopefully, you will accept my apology and ignore all the misunderstandings. Once again I want to sorry to other members as well who might have suffered due to my words.

    Stay Blessed. :)

  30. Hey Mehreen! Looks like I finally got around to reading your blog. I absolutely loved this post! I swear I could have rolled over laughing at some of the illustrations. To be fair, hostels suck in India as well and most wardens take a personal interest in your virginity which is rather creepy.

    Thank you for the comments on my blog! Especially your first comment, it really meant something to me! :)

    1. FYI, hostel food usually suck but the dhaaba’s in the general perimeter usually wisen up and start with good offerings… istudent diskont you see ;)

      I could so feel the mean glare in that doodle… thats probably the least insecure nestle bag in the world right there! haha

  31. On a side note, Mehreen, he looks like me because he’s me. Who else (appart from your 6573457324 readers) would know about your chocolate powder insanity?

  32. Aw. You know, I’d keep your comments like I kept Mir Jumla’s but I won’t since I know you way too well to realize that your “constructive criticism” is just you PMS-ing about how worthless and unnoticed your life is. Here’s to putting you in the trash can. Last time you’ll comment here.

    Ciao, Aymon.

  33. LOL! Great!
    Xehra told me to read ur blog, and I am not at all disappointed, not that I am an Ace writer :P

    Nevertheless, You made me laugh! Keep on going, we can all do with more laughs! :)

  34. one-o-nine comments :O
    Nestle should pay you for this. heck they should just make a commercial starring mehreen!
    And your warden sounds annoyingly funny.
    I totally crack up when people say ledis or laydeej.
    even g-aaants(gents) for that matter.

    P.S. Stalk up on some awesome food and hide it somewhere. that’s what i would do if I were you :)

    xx

  35. Oh boy, I up-till now never really digested how poor ladies even SURVIVED in hostels, and this was the reason I PROTESTED studying in Pakistan ALONE :P

  36. i’ve only read two of your blogs, (or do you call them posts?) and i’m already in love with you! the doodles are the best part!

    =D

  37. hey mehreen! feel a little weird commenting on your blog (cos i’m so much older than your average reader :P) but didn’t want to be one of those annoying phantom readers who (like ships-that-pass-in-the-night) don’t acknowledge their..umm…readership.
    you are so funny!
    i hope you don’t mind me broadcasting your blog to my inner circle of like-minded (read [closet]profane and slightly irreverent)facebookers :)
    you need a wider audience girl! you’re f****** brilliant and i’ve added you to my blogroll so i can keep up with you ;)

    munira.

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