Blogger Specimen, Ladies and Gentlemen

Many of us blog, right? We blog about our lives, what happens on TV, political developments, film reviews, headaches, social issues, songs, poetry, PMS, short stories (with no memorable characters and stupid endings) and much

more. There are categories you can pick from and domains you can host your blog up on. You can make friends and enemies over simple posts like, let’s say, how Always is better than Whisper. You can share your (unasked for) opinion on anything under the Sun. Including the future of the twin sons I haven’t had yet.And since you’ve accomplished soul draining tasks like double clicking on icons, saving links and sending emails to people who don’t want to hear from you, you also must have noticed that there are fascinating blazons of bloggers. Yes? What is it you say? You haven’t? I’ll show you.

Kasana Sets Out On a Blog-Journey:

I use Fapple by Jamshed Dasti. Unreliable and pervy!

This is me on any given day. Things grow in my hair. From apples, lollipops, Anglo-Saxon babies to crosses, shrapnels and nuclear bombs, my hair has it all. I listen to metal while surfing the internet; it gives me perception. So when I’m going through blogs as a phantom reader (because my keyboard sets itself on fire as soon as the comment-page shows up), I have Slayer playing in my ears, and it’s not very exciting to read about how your friends no longer deserve your loyalty after ditching you at the cafeteria, okay? Which brings me to the first blogger-type. The Ever-Distressed Bimbo Blogger With the Visually Disturbing Pink/Yellow/Purple Theme:

I have nothing against this kind even if they love Lady Gaga and endure her music. I actually admire the level of tolerance and valour they show in the face of whatever the hell she is. I also think it’s really cute they posted their kitten’s 4587th picture. But I don’t share my comments on their blogs because, believe me, their lives are SUCH a mess, you know? Their, like, pinky nail broke last Tuesday and, oh my gosh, the pain is just so like, painful? Bloggers like sweetheart57 and angeltearslava will always haunt me. Always.The Political Thinker And His Political Thoughts On His Political Blog:

You guys have won my respect. Not only do you blog about mind-screwing issues and delve into the messy politics of a country like ours, you also find the time and energy to post your thoughts on sports (our country will never play/win in), television series (our country will never get a shot at) and global issues (our country has nothing to do with). It’s just so very draining, I mean. And God forbid if you ever decide to comment on a simple, boring blogger’s post. Like mine.

Cute Blogger Mommy (And Her Burning Kitchen):

Cute blogger mommies are cute and I love tautological statements. Blogging about pregnancy, diapers, flushes, cramps and mood swings so gracefully. But the thing is, I’ll be happier if you women paid attention to cooking the meal instead of thinking about its prospective glory as a post with pictures. And this is not chauvinism so shut your maternal mouth. Okay? Wonderful! (Your baby’s crying, BTW.)Gamer Blogs:

Dude. His life revolves around his PSP, PS3, computer and soda. That’s all there is to it.

Private Blogs:

Okay. I respect privacy and I expect the same. But sometimes I just don’t understand why the hell people create a blog in a place where everything is accessible with a single click. Your blog is private, right? Then why is it on the internet? Why don’t you buy a diary with a pretty little blue ribbon and a plastic lock? Oh, so you want a few selected people reading it? That’s nice. I mean, it’s like an e-diary circulated among people you think care about you and your musings. Really precious. But do you actually think that they’re the only person reading your private blog? What if I’m sitting next to them, sneaking glances at your virtual hideout? What if they turn to me and gush with joy, “Oh oh oh! This is the part where she finds her boyfriend making out with a pregnant moose! Haw haw haw!” and what if I take screenshot of it? Not so stealthy, are we now?The Random Cute Funny Guy-Blogger:

He’s cute and he’s funny and I’m getting bored. This blogger has a few good jokes to share with his readers and his snappy little anecdotes are ever-amusing but for Christ’s sake, will he ever take a shower? What is with that display picture? Is that … his … oh. Wow.The God Forsaken Obscure Blogger:

I get it. You read Sylvia Plath and Mouth To Mouth and you love to listen to Snow Patrol and Inara George in endless loops. You realized that romance is over-rated and you’ve been emotionally abused by everyone including the milk man when you were 15. Now you’re 16. Amazing, I know. But for the sake of whatever you deem precious, please stop pooping all over your blog about shit that won’t ever make sense even if a supernatural literary cognoscenti decided to decipher your gut-wrenching cryptology. Okay? Get off the computer and do your homework.

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