Blogger Specimen, Ladies and Gentlemen

Many of us blog, right? We blog about our lives, what happens on TV, political developments, film reviews, headaches, social issues, songs, poetry, PMS, short stories (with no memorable characters and stupid endings) and much
more. There are categories you can pick from and domains you can host your blog up on. You can make friends and enemies over simple posts like, let’s say, how Always is better than Whisper. You can share your (unasked for) opinion on anything under the Sun. Including the future of the twin sons I haven’t had yet.And since you’ve accomplished soul draining tasks like double clicking on icons, saving links and sending emails to people who don’t want to hear from you, you also must have noticed that there are fascinating blazons of bloggers. Yes? What is it you say? You haven’t? I’ll show you.

Kasana Sets Out On a Blog-Journey:

I use Fapple by Jamshed Dasti. Unreliable and pervy!
This is me on any given day. Things grow in my hair. From apples, lollipops, Anglo-Saxon babies to crosses, shrapnels and nuclear bombs, my hair has it all. I listen to metal while surfing the internet; it gives me perception. So when I’m going through blogs as a phantom reader (because my keyboard sets itself on fire as soon as the comment-page shows up), I have Slayer playing in my ears, and it’s not very exciting to read about how your friends no longer deserve your loyalty after ditching you at the cafeteria, okay? Which brings me to the first blogger-type. The Ever-Distressed Bimbo Blogger With the Visually Disturbing Pink/Yellow/Purple Theme:

I have nothing against this kind even if they love Lady Gaga and endure her music. I actually admire the level of tolerance and valour they show in the face of whatever the hell she is. I also think it’s really cute they posted their kitten’s 4587th picture. But I don’t share my comments on their blogs because, believe me, their lives are SUCH a mess, you know? Their, like, pinky nail broke last Tuesday and, oh my gosh, the pain is just so like, painful? Bloggers like sweetheart57 and angeltearslava will always haunt me. Always.The Political Thinker And His Political Thoughts On His Political Blog:

You guys have won my respect. Not only do you blog about mind-screwing issues and delve into the messy politics of a country like ours, you also find the time and energy to post your thoughts on sports (our country will never play/win in), television series (our country will never get a shot at) and global issues (our country has nothing to do with). It’s just so very draining, I mean. And God forbid if you ever decide to comment on a simple, boring blogger’s post. Like mine.

Cute Blogger Mommy (And Her Burning Kitchen):

Cute blogger mommies are cute and I love tautological statements. Blogging about pregnancy, diapers, flushes, cramps and mood swings so gracefully. But the thing is, I’ll be happier if you women paid attention to cooking the meal instead of thinking about its prospective glory as a post with pictures. And this is not chauvinism so shut your maternal mouth. Okay? Wonderful! (Your baby’s crying, BTW.)Gamer Blogs:

Dude. His life revolves around his PSP, PS3, computer and soda. That’s all there is to it.

Private Blogs:

Okay. I respect privacy and I expect the same. But sometimes I just don’t understand why the hell people create a blog in a place where everything is accessible with a single click. Your blog is private, right? Then why is it on the internet? Why don’t you buy a diary with a pretty little blue ribbon and a plastic lock? Oh, so you want a few selected people reading it? That’s nice. I mean, it’s like an e-diary circulated among people you think care about you and your musings. Really precious. But do you actually think that they’re the only person reading your private blog? What if I’m sitting next to them, sneaking glances at your virtual hideout? What if they turn to me and gush with joy, “Oh oh oh! This is the part where she finds her boyfriend making out with a pregnant moose! Haw haw haw!” and what if I take screenshot of it? Not so stealthy, are we now?The Random Cute Funny Guy-Blogger:

He’s cute and he’s funny and I’m getting bored. This blogger has a few good jokes to share with his readers and his snappy little anecdotes are ever-amusing but for Christ’s sake, will he ever take a shower? What is with that display picture? Is that … his … oh. Wow.The God Forsaken Obscure Blogger:

I get it. You read Sylvia Plath and Mouth To Mouth and you love to listen to Snow Patrol and Inara George in endless loops. You realized that romance is over-rated and you’ve been emotionally abused by everyone including the milk man when you were 15. Now you’re 16. Amazing, I know. But for the sake of whatever you deem precious, please stop pooping all over your blog about shit that won’t ever make sense even if a supernatural literary cognoscenti decided to decipher your gut-wrenching cryptology. Okay? Get off the computer and do your homework.

82 thoughts on “Blogger Specimen, Ladies and Gentlemen

  1. Since this was somewhat country specific – at least for the politico type – why are those guys white? And why are you white?

    Brown pride !

      1. Woah ! Jani shani choro. I will have to take you to task now.

        I was merely gauging you response, you will hear more from me on teetar.

  2. Obscure Blogger is my favorite because there are always part of a community that “gets” it. It’s like everyone is speaking in a code I don’t understand and then sixty-five people post comments about good and deep the writing was. I’ve yelled “What?!” at my computer in cases like this before. The bewilderment was just too great for me to endure without making some kind of pained sound.

    I am also fearful that I may fall into the Cute Funny Guy-Blogger category, except I’m not cute or funny.

  3. What about the ones who write a post every 2 months
    Or so and consider themselves bloggers *whistles and looks
    Looks towards the ceiling while shifting pupils from left to right likewindsheild wipers*

  4. Ooooops beizattiiiiiii!:( =P *heaves the last,cold sigh and swoons away*

    AND BTW, WHY ARE YOU SO FREAKING AWESOME??? :d Love the happenings in ur hair-o-sphere too! :D

  5. Oh & since you’re the only other Pak blogger who’s well and truly well versed in the way of 4chan (cough *fapping?*) whatever happened to our plan to start Pak-Chan – The Ultimate Desi Imageboard.

  6. every time i read your blog i fall a little more in love with you. Not cause your blog is amazing( we both know that aint true) but every time i read it im convinced your exactly the kind of person i wana be with.

  7. “But for the sake of whatever you deem precious, please stop pooping all over your blog about shit that won’t ever make sense even if a supernatural literary cognoscenti decided to decipher your gut-wrenching cryptology” … made my day

  8. I’m strangely offended, amused and maybe a little bit flabbergasted.

    Oh, and great post by the way. It’s good to see you can still blog like you don’t give a shit, when you’ve got so much to care about elsewhere.

  9. I fall in the “The Random Cute Funny Guy-Blogger” category..
    Not that completely though… but I am tending towards to it. I am not that cute or funny.. but I am random and a guy…

    So what category do you fall in?

  10. Haaha! i have seen all these types. blogging can be fun until the wrong person reads it an make a wrong interpretation of it and spreads wrong rumors, bah!

    oh well… nice blog :)

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