I’m Hatin’ It

I’m not very skilled at carrying lengthy conversations in real life and so I expect whoever is talking to me, to keep it short and quick. But I can’t have things my way all the time and so whenever I call McDonald’s, I quite painstakingly agree to auditory hell. Today I suffered once more.

It is I, the bitter raconteur, before you. This is my soul shattering tale.

René Descartes often drops by at my hostel to share his thoughts on life and, in particular, food.

Did I mention Virginia Woolf is a good friend of mine as well? Too bad she always subtly suggested suicide.

And so I picked the phone up and dialed 042-111-BIG-MAC. I typed it out for you here because no way in hell will anyone ever have the courtesy to register McDonald’s number on the internet. Here it is. You can thank me later.

The dog disappeared later on.


59 thoughts on “I’m Hatin’ It

  1. Hahaha we all go through the same when we call McDonalds! Your doodles are just too good as always :D
    why don’t you write a post or ‘classify’ the way people type,like some people type without a single error while others “tYP3 LyKE Dizz lolzz”

  2. Hahahaha love this as much as hate M.C. Donaalds.

    Though Woolf should’ve said:
    “Kasana was hungry. The rumbles in her stomach toiled in the shape of a red box that always carried a strikingly pleasing crescent-shaped yet solar-powered smile, the very thought of which created a protege of it on her face. She stopped. Reached over to her big brown bag. And saw her fingers dial 111-big-mac just as she found her crimson coloured cellular device.”

  3. FUCK THIS IS SO TRUE. Since I don’t spew out these words in public, you know how serious I am. This. Is so bloody true. AND also the reason why I end up NOT calling McD 9 times out of 10.

  4. I get vapours at the thought of tricking around with my blog layout; where do you get this continuous urge to experiment. How many times a day do you change your blog design?

  5. thank your stars that you are not living in saudi. home delivery and ordering can never get worse than here. first they dont understand what you say because you are speaking english which is similar to martian and then even if they do they have weird requests like landline numbers, po box number, sister’s best friend’s name etc. it usually, without exaggeration, takes 45 minutes to order something at KFC and McDonalds. Pizza hut takes 15 or less. KFC delivers in roughly 3-4 hours (if they do in the first place). McD takes a little less than that. Pizza hut takes much lesser i.e. an hour and a half.

  6. lol thats the first time i noticed this. lol. you are a gone case.

    It seems to me as if you wish to subscribe to my blog. I am rather flattered. Before I blush and sweat in my palms, follow the instructions given below in order to become part of my magnificence. I am a shameless writer and MS Paint fascinates me.
    Also, I thank you very much for clicking the right button. I owe you a brownie once you’re in Lahore. Maybe.

  7. hahahahahahah that ‘HELLOO FALAN FALAN ISSSPEEEKINGG’ IS sooooo damn irritating
    and the irony is that the more u are annoyed wid it , the more ‘ISSSPEEEKINGG’ ppl u get in touch wid :/
    loved the drawings :)

  8. Ma’am, you should try 111-DOMINO sometime. We put the McDonald’s team to shame. We also offer a special deal: if you can live through the ordeal of obtaining a pizza from us through a telephone order, we will call you back at least 56 times to finalize your order, to ask you about toppings, to ask you about the weight of extra toppings (I kid you not), to ask you if you even like those extra toppings, to ask you what kind of crust you want, to ask if you even like that type of crust or not. And then we will call you back 23 times to get directions to your house, get directions to the masjid, get directions to the zibaah-khaana, get directions to the red-light-district, get directions to your neighbor’s cat’s girlfriend’s archrival’s kitty litter dumping ground, get directions to the graveyard, get directions from your front gate to your front gate. And then we will call you 32 times to make sure you have the correct pizza, the correct amount of pizzas, the correct toppings on your pizza/s, the correct type of crust on your pizza, the correct amount of garlic powder, if you have even received any pizza or not. Once you have received the pizza from the ‘rider’, and gone inside to eat it, we will call you from the call center to inform you that you have left 10 rupees with the ‘rider’ who is still waiting outside your house. You will have to go outside and tell the rider to keep the 10 rupees as a tip before we will leave you in peace. Oh wait. Then we will call you once to ask if you were able to digest your pizza okay, if it was too hard to chew, if you needed assistance to ingest it, if you will ever want to order from us again. And all the while we will call you by several interesting variations on the pronunciations of your name. Enjoy your pizza, Ma’am.

    Domino’s Guy

  9. Ok. You are freaking hilarious!!!!! & the sketches? BWAHAAHA!
    BTW I cant see any way to subscribe to your RSS, please put in a RSS button.

    1. This theme is freaking disappointing, I’m sorry. You can try subscribing by simply giving your email address (which I’ll never know of, dun dun dunnn) to the Button of Glory on the right. If it doesn’t work, let me know. I’ll cut a WordPress bitch.

    1. I’m kind of sick and tired of hearing this half-compliment-half-question comment from my readers trying to know whether I’ve read Hyperbole and a Half and if I “copy from it” but the answer is:

      No. I don’t copy from that site so there won’t be any credit given because, *drum roll*, I haven’t bothered to check it yet. I’m sure whoever owns that blog isn’t Pakistani like I am and his/her references aren’t taken from socio-political or socio-cultural observations of his/her region. Similarly I’m certain he/she isn’t as hasty and terrible with the drawings made. Therefore give me that reference one more time and I might compose a god damn rant explaining to people that no, I am not the Pakistani version of Hyperbole and a Half and no, I don’t copy.

      I need some coffee now.

      1. Can you classify yourself based on these words
        “because, *drum roll*, I haven’t bothered to check it yet”
        Sensing something yokelish …………………..

  10. er. you’re original… i tried seeing any similarity and the only similarity i saw was that you both use drawings and you both are girls.. that’s all. she writes about her childhood and grammar mistakes and how games can be played in different ways. you have political posts and socio-pol posts so whoever says you two are similar doesn’t read both properly.. also people make shitty observations so plox to ignore, ma’am.. don’t stop blogging

  11. this made me laugh sooooo hard hahahah IT’S TRUE THEY’RE ALWAYS ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS UGH! excellent job! where do you come up with these ideas?!

  12. I know how you feel, the last time this happened to me, I started banging my head on the wall for real. And since that day, I refuse to order McD’s for my niece and nephew. Clingy bastards.

  13. LOL! check out a documentary called food inc… has me sworn off Big Macs and Zingers forever, unless i’m really really hammered… LOVE your blog by the way…

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